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This page contains stories from women who have had an abortion, regretted the decision, and requested that their story be posted on this web site. The purpose of this page is to show that women are
not always informed properly and that abortion is not necessarily the best the solution. In fact, some of the women are still pro-choice, yet believe that they made the wrong decision, and want others to think long and hard before deciding to abort.
If you have something you would like
posted here, please e-mail me your story.
Information will be kept anonymous if you wish.
February 2012 Update: I realize that there is a large gap in years between stories, as this page was not being updated for quite a while. I am in the process of adding some new stories. ~Carolyn
Additional Resources:
Previous stories:
[1996-1999] [2000]
Received November 2011
Regretting the abortion didn’t happen right away. I spent over fourteen years thinking nothing of it really.
There comes a point when you cease to see it as “I was never supposed to get pregnant in the first place” to knowing “I was never supposed to abandon that life. And the life I’ve had in the 14 years since the abortion has been an extreme of imbalance for not having that child that was supposed to have been a part of it, supposed to have given me gifts of grace and taught me profound, sometimes painful sometimes joyful lessons.
I’ve struggled to get those teachings elsewhere – teachings that would have come so naturally from raising a child. I’ve spent countless amounts of money on schools and therapies and metaphysical seminars. The underlying ingredient, as we all know, for health and healing is Love. The abortion was around $360. $360 to cut of a life long supply to the most necessary ingredient for healing. Then another $40…50…80,000 spent trying to buy that ingredient back in another form – a form that didn’t require me to be a parent, that let me remain the child.
Not to mention the countless thousands spent in the downward spiral of drug abuse that ensued in the years following the abortion. Never before tonight had I ever connected those two things in my life. Would I have started shooting herion if I’d never had an abortion? Obviously if I was raising a child I’d be less likely to experiment with fringe lifestyles but was the drug abuse a reaction to the abortion? If I’d lost the child through miscarriage or not gotten pregnant at all, would I have avoided a life of drug abuse? Most certainly if I had brought this being into the world in 1997 I would not have resorted to IV drug use by 1999.
I thought I would never have it together enough to raise a kid, would not have anything to offer. I didn’t even consider what that child had to offer me. That is not to condone the introduction of selfishness into the decision to have a child. Those who treat children as tools for their own gain do much harm to life as well. But the act of selfishness I participated it by aborting a life rather than aborting a lifestyle. That can never be undone. I pray with all my heart that every young woman considering an abortion will instead make the choice for the gift of life. It is not up to us to judge the quality of life and thereby determine its right to exist or not. If my daughter or son were alive today he/she would be 14 years old and would most likely have had a challenging quality of life. But he/she would have gotten the opportunity to make of it what he/she chose to. And the opportunity to transform the heart of one woman on earth -mine. That is a miracle I deprived myself and my child from partaking in.
Kristin S. [lastoneup@hotmail.com]
Received October 2011
I am 20 years old, and I always thought this would be too young for me to have a child, but when it actually 'happens' everything is so different. I've been with my ex only a couple of months, before he broke up with me. He started saying I was different, getting so emotional and stuff... A week after he broke up I found out I was pregnant. When I told my friends, it was obvious for them that I'd get an abortion, and for my ex, it was not even a question. He is the only one I eventually told I wanted to keep it, and he was hysterical, telling me he was not ready for a child (can't forget to mention he's a 28 year old insecure about anything that resolves around money, even if he's doing fine).
Back then, I thought that, since that's what he wanted, it'd be better for our relationship. Now that I knew my ups and downs were caused by the pregnancy, I thought he'd forgive me for being such an idiot. I eventually told my parents about it, my mom was very supportive, but on the other hand, my dad kept saying ''you know it would not be good for you, you have so much more to live...'' I could see he was devastated. I ended up taking an appointment, without even really thinking about it... trying to make the thoughts of wanting to keep the baby go away.
The fact of me being a single mom is never something that bothered me. I'm independent, I have a good job, and I don't mind taking care of it myself. But, the only thought of really being all alone, without having my friends and family supporting me was making me feel so insecure. I was so scared of loosing it all, and now I know I would not have ''lost it all'', because my best friend and my dad (the ones I thought would not support me) would have eventually accepted it, and I know it.
I went to the appointment, with my ex boyfriend, and did it. I laid, closed my eyes, and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was hysterical. I kept crying, feeling like they've taken away a huge part of my body. I felt so empty. In 15 mins my whole life changed. I was getting used of having a little baby inside of me, and it felt like they had just taken away the only thing that was keeping me from falling apart. I was going through a lot when my ex left me. I felt so abandoned. On top of that my best friend, who is also my roommate, would not even understand me while I was pregnant. My food cravings, fatigue and nausea were annoying here.. As if she could not associate all of this with my pregnancy because she knew it would soon going to end, so she did not try to realize I WOULD actually still be pregnant until my abortion. Saying ''I'm going to get an abortion'' does not mean it all goes away... So, while I felt everyone was just abandoning me, this little thing right inside my belly was the only thing that gave me a reason to try to be ''OK''. At night, when going to bed, I kept crying, but always felt better when thinking I was not alone.
After a while, the situation with my ex got worse. I felt so mad at myself for caring about his feelings.. He had no right to tell me what to do with my body... and him being that much of an asshole with me after the abortion felt like a slap in the face. Everything I thought I was, I wanted, and also how people were was all flipped upside down. And that made it all worse, I felt like this would all kill me. I wished I could just go to sleep for a couple of months. Felt like this was just too much, too much in a year, too much for a lifetime... I was still grieving (I've also lost someone i was really close too only a couple of months before that), and felt like ''this'' experience was way too much for me to handle.
Now that it's all said and done, I mad at myself for listening to others instead of my own feelings. I cared about people who could not even try to care for me. Now that it's over, everyone's acting as if it never even happened, but every night I go to sleep crying, and wake up the next morning, put on my brave face and try to convince myself everything's gonna be OK. What hurts the most is thinking I'm never going to go back to that person I was before. It is now part of my story and I have to live with it. I'm mad at myself in a way because I always told my self I'd never be that ''person''. I have to carry these regrets on my shoulders, and everyday I wish this has not been a life-changing experience for me, but it was...
This abortion changed so much in my life, and in my perception of how I want to live it. Now I am being a little more selfish, thinking about my own feelings first, and I guess being that depressed has its reasons... Everything happens for a reason. I guess when I'll get pregnant again, this feeling of emptiness will go away, but until then, I know I still have a lot to go through. Unfortunately, this experience really did change my life, and now everything seems so blurry. I am slowly going to heal, and I know it, I know I am grieving, and eventually, the guilt will also go away, but I wish I could just fast forward my life, and make it all go away...
Pamela
Received May 2010
Hello, I just saw you can post stories on your site about abortion experiences. So please post also mine and please keep it annonymous.
I'd been with my boyfriend about 4 months already when I found out I was pregnant. I was very afraid to tell him about it, so until 8 weeks I kept it a secret. Then I told it to mom, she was very upset about it, I am 20 years old, and she pressured me to do an abortion, she said things like "u r just begining ur own life, dont let ur baby break it, better do an abortion now and then u just will forget about it very soon". When I told it to my boyfriend he wasn't glad, he just said that maybe we should go to doctor 1st and then decide what to do. I was so lost and didn't know what to do. I went to doctor and he said that it's 8 weeks, and the baby has a heart beating already, his height about 20mm...My mom was very cruel to me that time, she pressured me to do abortion...she didnt support me, when I was needed it so much. I still remember that time before abortion, when all my thoughts was about "what do to", I didnt sleep at night, all I did was think and cry...I thought also about adoption...yes I already loved this baby...after the abortion, it was the worst time in my life, i didnt want to live, I miss my baby so much...now about 7 mnths have passed and still I feel pain and I still crying at nights, and after abortion my life arent the same...it became grey and empty...if i can only turn back time...i would never do it.
Anonymous
Received February 2010
I was 20 years old and dating a guy that I really loved. But I think I liked him because he seemed less interested in me, which made me want his love. It sounds crazy now but not as bad as it gets. I never talk about my experience, my family has no clue what I have done in my past. Its been about 4 years since I had two abortions, but I try to not think about it. But reading these stories made me want to share the hell I experienced. I was always against abortion, I felt it was a murderous sin, I still do.
7 months into our relationship I discovered I was pregnant, my boyfriend was determined to find a solution to the problem. So he asked a friend how he can arrange for me to get an abortion ( where to go how to pay for it). I didn't want to do this it was against my beliefs but he was persistent. He took me to the county office where I signed papers to fund an emergency abortion. Honestly I hate myself, why did I let him convince me to do this? He told me no man would ever want me if I had a kid, and I was a stupid b*** for disagreeing to the abortion. I was broken emotionally, the rejection...I felt unlovable, that my boyfriend didn't want a life we created. Under extreme emotional abuse I gave in. Until one day I told him I wouldn't go through with it...I told him it was murder! He then grabbed me by the neck while he was driving and began chocking me. I thought he was going to kill me, at this point my esteem and value was so low. I cried and tried to commit suicide, hoping he would be sympathetic to me and our baby- He wasn't. After the abortion I cried and went into extreme depression, I gave up on myself and the world but still wanted to be accepted by him. Ironically I got pregnant again within two months, at this point I was in my own self inflicted hell. I Thought I would keep this baby. This time he was more violent and aggressive. Once again I was in the clinic with visible marks on my neck from another attack, my face swollen from crying and hyperventilating. I never knew I could reach such a low. So I had my second abortion that day, I sound pathetic but i stayed with him for 2 more years, things got better. But I became stronger and realized my esteem was destroyed and my confidence smashed, making me think I loved him. In 2007 I broke up with him and never looked back. Its been two years and i have been single and I feel strong and independent. But my heart drops when I remember what I did, a piece of me died along with my babies, I just pray god can forgive me.
Anonymous
Received June 2009
I always had a pretty strong opinion when it came to a woman getting an abortion--it's her body and she should be able to do what she wants with it. I had always been pro-choice and continue to be but, after my abortion, I don't know that I made the right choice in my situation.
I found out I was pregnant when I was 20 and was completely blind-sided. I knew that I should be getting my period soon but never gave it a second thought even when I was late. I was convinced that I hadn't become fully regular yet and didn't begin to worry until my mom made an offhand comment about me maybe being pregnant. Although wee both laughed it off, it stuck with me for the rest of the day until I finally ran to CVS with my boyfriend and bought a test.
It came up positive...and I couldn't believe it. I started crying because I was scared and didn't know what to do. My boyfriend was skeptical and asked me to take another test and then 3 more after--all positive. I went to bed that night in tears and cried myself to sleep for the next few nights.
I always thought that I would be brave enough to have my baby and not punish it for my mistake. But, I found myself making an appointment to get an abortion done instead now that the scenario had become real. I kept telling myself that this the right thing because I wouldn't be able to care for a child properly and got nothing but support for that choice from my boyfriend. I felt the urge to talk to my mother about what I should do, but my boyfriend told me that we shouldn't tell anyone and just get the procedure done. Though I love him, I now know and feel that he was wrong in telling me not to talk to anyone.
When I got to the clinic they gave me the wristband with my name on it and I waited. A woman called my name and took me back to test my blood and perform an ultrasound. I thought I was 2 weeks, 3 weeks along max--but the ultrasound showed that I was 6 weeks. I could see my baby...just a little black blob.
It came time to go to counseling and the woman spoke to me about why I wanted an abortion and if I felt comfortable with my decision. I thought I did, but I now know that I wasn't. She then took me to another room where the first of 2 abortion pills was to be administered. This pill would stop the pregnancy from progressing any further, I took it, was given instructions on how to take the 2nd and was then free to go. The first day was fine, but I knew that when I took the 2nd pill I would be in immense amounts of pain.
I took the 2nd pill the next day and had never felt such cramping. It was completely miserable to breathe for about 5 hours. Blood poured out as did blood clots and tears. I couldn't afford to purchase the pain or nausea medication the doctor had prescribed so I had to make due with Ibuprofen. The cramping eventually stopped and I was able to sleep.
The bleeding continued like a normal period for a few more days. Then, the 2nd day after the 2nd pill--I went to the bathroom to pee and saw a small red clump in my pad. It had a string-like projection coming out of it. And that's when I knew...I had just expelled my baby from my body and that projection was the umbilical cord. I could see it's little eyes and head and I have never felt so much pain in my heart and soul than I did just then. I regretted so deeply having killed my poor baby for my own selfish reasons. I wished I could have taken it all back but it was too late. I cried and cried until I had nothing left in me but it wasn't enough to bring my baby back to me.
Please think long and hard before you decide to go through with an abortion. It is the only thing I have truly regretted in my entire life and stays with me until now. I wish I would have talked with someone who would have helped me to see that abortion wasn't the right thing for me. As a woman and mother I should have protected my baby and loved him/her and I urge you to learn from my mistake.
Think long and hard about having to see the remains of your baby the way I did and if you can live with the pain...because I still can't.
Anonymous
Received July 2001
I remember growing up I would talk about abortion like it was no big thing.
I would get into debates with my mom on how it was O.K. My state of mind was
who cares, if you want it done more power to you. I never thought of it as a
life changing experience but boy was I wrong.
I was with my boyfriend for two months when I found out I was pregnant. I
was only 18 and had just graduated from high school. I wasn't even late I had
no reason to even think I was pregnant, I just had a voice tell me "Take a
test." When I took the test I came up positive, when I told my boyfriend he
was happy so that made feel more at ease with everything that I knew was
going to be happening. When I told my mom she and my whole family were
disappointed in me, but it was done and what could we do. I had already told
everyone my choice (At that time it was to keep it.) About a month later I
just started thinking about everything all at once and I got scared I started
to realize I couldn't do it I could not see myself having a baby with this
guy, first of all he was a 24 year old drop out never had a job and he lived
with his grandma to top things off he was in a gang. I didn't want that kind
of life for me or my baby. So I broke up with him. After I broke up with him
that's when I started thinking about abortion, I thought of it as I didn't want
to give him a reason to keep coming around.
My stepmother was the first person I told about what I was considering. I
told her because I knew she would understand, she her self had had two
abortions prior. She encouraged it, so I made up my mind to go through with
it later that night I told my mom about my decision she begged me not to, she
said I could have the baby and she would raise it for me, but I didn't pay
attention to her I told her no, she finally gave in and said fine. The next
day I went to my doctor to get a referral then the following day I called the
clinic to set my appointment. Friday March 9, 2001. On that exact day I was
two months. I remember that day as if it were yesterday, I woke up and got
ready, my mom and me left to the clinic. I remember walking in the waiting
room and just seeing all these young girls just like me. I thought to myself
just stay strong I can do this. When they called me to go to the back I stood
up and my body felt as if I were wearing 40 pound weights, but I went back I
filled out the papers. The people there were really nice they made me feel
comfortable but I couldn't help but wonder what they were really thinking
about me. They took me to a little room where I undressed and they gave me a
sonogram I watched I just saw a little dot, but to me it was everything that
dot was my life my creation. After I changed in a gown I sat there for a
while alone and I remember telling myself I cant do this I said it out loud
to myself. I couldn't stop thinking about this baby all the what if's. I was
about to let my baby down in so many ways possible, As a mother your job is
to protect your child make sure its safe and feels loved. I denied all of
that responsibility.
When they took me into the O.R. I took a deep breath and went to sleep.
When I woke up I was in the recovery, I just felt so empty inside one minute
I had a life living inside me and 20 min later there's nothing. I just started
crying so hysterically. The nurse came up to me and said "why are you crying
you got what you wanted, now be quiet you're going to worry the other girls." I
got my self under control got dressed and walked out into the waiting room as
soon as I got out of there I just started screaming and crying what did I do.
My mom was crying with me telling me why did I do it. I had to be carried
into the car. I cried all the way home I in my life have never felt so much
pain like that day.
As of course you all may know at the clinic they tell you you can go to work
the same day or even the next day. Ya right. They explained about the bleeding
and slight cramping but oh man I was unable to walk for two weeks. The
cramping they said should last for about 3 days, each day the cramps got worse
and worse to the point where I was in fetal position the medicine didn't even
work. My mom called the emergency hot line twice in one night and each time
they told her it was normal. It had already been two weeks since the abortion
and I was still in such pain, my mom took me to the emergency, they thought it
might be infection so they gave me exams but it was nothing so they gave me a
urine test, my mom and me were sitting waiting for the doctor to come back in,
when she came in the room she looked at me and said, "I just gave you a
pregnancy test and your test came back positive." What ended up happening was
the doctor did the abortion he just didn't clean me out right, so I still had
the baby inside me. So all that cramping I had was the contractions of my
body trying to reject the baby since it was already dead. When the doctor
told me all of this I felt as if I deserved it. I know I did. So that same
day I went back to the clinic and I had to have the whole procedure done all
over again.
Its been 4 months now, and it still hurts like it was yesterday. What made
it harder for me was after everything was done with everybody acted as if
nothing had ever happened. I had no one to talk to who could really
understand. I still don't. I still have that emptiness in my heart and in my
eyes.
To anyone who is considering abortion talk about it with someone first,
because you have no idea what your getting yourself into mentally and
emotionally. When I think back to that day when I was sitting in the room
alone, I wish I had the strength to walk out.
Shantel Garcia
[Onlyshanie@cs.com]
Received July 2001
I am writing this story to help someone out there who is in my shoes. I
recently had an abortion June 2, 2001 at about 3:45pm and I will regret it
for the rest of my life. To make it so bad, I really had no reason to do it
other than being selfish and stupid.
I am 21 years old, and I am married to a wonderful man and we have two
beautiful children. However on this third baby I made the deadly decision
to abort. I feel that my husband is at fault because he didn't even stop
me. He knew that I was going to the Abortion clinic and he went to church
and didn't even stop me. We are in debt and we have no money and it is so
hard affording the two children that we already have but I believe that the
Lord would have made a way out of no way if I would have just given him the
authority in my life. I was seven weeks pregnant at the time and I regret
being so stupid to abort. I wish that I would have just kept the baby and
gave birth. The week prior to having the abortion God sent me so many signs
to keep the baby. This girl at my job said to me that "Don't you know God
will send somebody in your life to help your situation? You just got to have
faith to believe!" I wish that I did. And what was even spookier, when I
got off from work that Friday, I unlocked the door of my car and went to sit
in the drivers seat and a picture of my daughter who was born 2 years ago
was sitting in the seat. The picture was her just after delivery, 10
minutes old in the hospital warmer getting examined by a nurse still full of
vernix and blood. I don't even know how it got there. I picked it up and
shoved it in my purse and later that night I went to church and had a nice
time and I still got up early Saturday morning and went to the murdering
clinic and killed my poor baby. I had no real reason to do it other than
being stupid. I have a place to live, a husband, a job, a car, and a little
bit of money and what more I needed The Lord would have provided. I was
just dumb and stupid and afraid of starting over. I felt that my son was 4
and my daughter was almost 2, so why start over, plus I got a boy and a
girl what more do I really need.
Then I thought about the times when I
didn't have enough money to buy my children shoes or the things they needed
for a while and the time when we were two months behind in our mortgage and
the time when we absolutely no money whatsoever in sight, I knew that it is
a sin to abort but I felt that it is also a sin to bring children in the
world and can't provide for them and make them suffer. However that is
beside the point and no excuse for what I did, I love that baby and I wish
that I had not did what I did and I want everybody who reads my story to know that abortion is not fun, it is sinful, painful, and mind tormenting.
Be extra careful not to get pregnant if you don't want to be a parent.
Abortion is not something you do and then forget about, it stays with you,
and it is not birth control. I have sympathy for those who found themselves
in a bad situation, no home, no job, no real man or significant support for
the baby, and no emotional stability to handle the baby, but for my case I
had absolutely no reason to abort. I don't live in a nice fancy house, but
I live in one, I don't drive a fancy car but I got one, I don't have much
money either but I have some, I don't even have a decent full time job but
God has been providing this long.
Women and Men, (men are not excluded) please don't make the same mistake
that I did. Love your baby, and protect it. Men, be a men and stand up for
your baby! Talk her out of abortion and do what you have to do to change
her mind. Stand by her and
love her the best way that you can so that when that baby arrives you can
give it what it needs to live. It is your responsibility to make sure she
is happy about that little person that you helped to create. it is not fair
for you to say "It is you body, do what ever you want." You are saying the
worst thing that you could ever say!!!! Talk it out and do your best to
change her mind. The baby is apart of you too!!! It is yours!!!! In some
cases all us soon to be "murderers" need is your support to change our
minds. Women do what you have to do not to get pregnant if you do not want
to adopt! Love your baby and don't murder it. Please!!!!! Believe in God
and believe in yourselves and you will be the best parents ever. Please
learn something from my stupid mistake.
Anonymous
Received June 2001
I recently had an abortion on January 25, 2001. I am 22 years old, and
married. I do not wish to say much, but that was the WORST decision I
have ever made. I prayed and asked the Lord to forgive me. It hurts all the
time to know that I murdered my first born. I was 3 months pregnant at
the time. I often wonder what it was and what it could have been. I often wish I
could take my own life to be with it. It hurts me so bad.
K.S.
KayC374@aol.com
Received April 2001
I can relate to all the stories in your site! I too am a birthmom and an abortion survivor. I had an abortion after I was going through a divorce. I had started a relationship with a man (who is now my husband) and I got pregnant (I had Norplant). My ex-husband had me snowed into believing he could take my son from me if I slipped up at all so I was scared and thought abortion was the best bet. Boy was I wrong! My current
husband took me…we tried to be upbeat the whole time (we drove 2hrs to
get there). It was a cold and depressing environment. The nursing staff was
rude and ushered me and about 9 other women in the room. We waited in
the "holding tank" for about an hr and a half the other women were crying some were
sick to their stomachs . No one checked on us we just sat there and watched
the clock. I finally got in the room and I was crying. One nurse out of 4
held my hand and asked me if I thought this was the right choice for me. The
Dr. who was a woman told me to hush my crying up it would mess up the
Anesthesia. I woke up afterwards and I asked one of the women beside me how she
felt and the nurse told me to be quite and to wait and see how I felt. They
let me go about an hr later and gave me instructions to go home with no
pain meds. I had to bring my own pads, they didn't provide this. It was
horrible I cried the whole way home I ended up with an infection and
had to go see my doctor afterwards. Luckily I recovered physically enough to
have 2 more children. I used to be pro-choice but after my experience I would
never encourage any one to think that death is a better choice for their unborn
child then to give it life. Death is permanent and there is no looking
back. I still cry I still wish there had been someone to talk to who didn't
think abortion was the answer. My husband and I never talk about it. I guess we
just can't deal with it yet. It's been 7yrs. I deal better with my
adoption my better than my abortion. People still say its simple procedure. I
wonder if they have had one?
Anonymous
Received February 2001
Hello My name is Lisa,
I am now 22 years old. When I was 13 I had an abortion because my mother
thought it was the best thing for me to do. In some ways I agree. It
would have changed my entire life but there was other options that were not
considered and that I really did not know. ADOPTION! I realize at 13 I
could not take care of a child. I knew nothing about having an abortion the only
thing I knew was it was there one minute and gone the next. The abortion
clinic lied to me about the entire thing! They told me the baby would NOT
feel a thing (LIE) they told me that it would not hurt me (LIE) and I
asked to see it afterwards and they told me it would just look like a blood
clot (LIE)!!
I deeply regret what I have done and I have to live with the fact that I
killed a innocent child. It is bad enough that we have murders everywhere
but for a baby to die in his own mothers hands is not understandable.
Everyday is a challenge for me and I have decided instead of beating myself up
Everyday to try to change at least one woman's mind about abortion. If I can save
At least one child from being aborted I can start my own healing process and
could feel a little better about this world. What I don't understand is
people kill everyday but get put in prison, but a woman goes to a abortion
clinic and kills her own child and it is called "Her Right"??? we preach "Save
the wildlife", why cant we save our own children from a cruel and painful
death everyday? Please post this letter and if any women have any questions
about abortion or you are thinking of abortion please talk to someone first!
Have you ever stopped to think what you are really doing? I didn't and it costs
my child's life!
Thank you
Lisa S
Cincinnati, Ohio
MrsGpd84@aol.com
Received February 2001
I am 19 years old and I had an abortion just the other day. What is so
ironic is that I told myself before if I ever got pregnant I would have
the baby at a convent if I had to but that was when I was younger. Well
I found out I was pregnant a couple of months ago. I couldn't believe it
because I was sure I couldn't conceive. My reproductive system was
supposed to messed up so my boyfriend and I had unprotected sex. I was
so shocked to find out the news thinking I wouldn't ever be pregnant.
Well my boyfriend and I talked it over and thought it would be the best
thing to do for the fact that: we weren't married...couldn't afford the
child...my parents would certainly not let me live my mistake down and
plus they still think I'm a virgin. I was raised Catholic, went to
church every Sunday, even attended a Catholic school and here I
was, pregnant. I made the appointment and waited for the day. The whole
time I was pregnant I thought of trying to find some way to keep it. I
cried all the time. I even wrote the baby a letter but that was my way of
saying I was sorry. I know it was wrong and I feel awful.
Well the day came to have it done. I went down at seven in the morning
had a urinalysis test and some lab done. It was amazing how many women
were there, even a fourteen year old girl. I felt to terrible but at
least I had my boyfriend there to cry upon and that is just what I
did, cry. The second thing that happened is I went to have the sonogram
done. I saw my baby for the first time...tiny little thing...seemed like
nothing but it was something..something amazing. The lady said I was
between 7 and 8 weeks just in the time frame to have the termination
done. I just said yeah and thought back to the picts I saw of what my
baby was to look like at that time period...
Then my name was called to have it done. I went into the room, undressed
from my waist down and told to lay on the table. I did and then waited
for the doctor to come..while I was waiting the nurse was there to speak
to me so I wouldn't be so nervous but I was...I was shaking so hard I
thought I was going to fall off the table. The doctor came in...I told
him I had the IV sedation so he gave it to me...I felt a little strange
and then I felt the vacuum sucking away at my uterus.. I never felt
anything like that...I screamed and shouted and cried. The pain was
awful but awful isn't even the word for it. Finally they got me up and I
had cramps that were so terrible I almost passed out. They sat me on a
recliner, gave me pretzels and soda and then I was on my way. On the way
out of the clinic I was crying and bent over because of my cramps so my
b/f helped me into the car and we drove off. As we were driving a
protester looked at me and waved, smiling, only saying good for
her....and that was the thing I remember the most and it haunts me. When
I got home I vomited several times and then fell to sleep. I will never
have anything like that happened to me again...I made a big mistake for
both parts and I learned. I pray to God to forgive me and hopefully I can
put some of this behind me put I will never forget the whole thing. So
here I am looking at abortion sites and other responses to hopefully make
me feel better when I know it won't.
Anonymous
Received February 2001
I was talked into an abortion by my boyfriend. When we went to that
clinic they did no counseling before the procedure. I didn't realize
what abortion was until I got one. I have cried about for 2 years and I
can't let go of what I did. I have went to God for forgiveness but I
can't seem to forgive myself. I am with the fight against abortion. My
boyfriend made it his right. I will never do something so selfish
again. I regret all the time. I don't want you to hate me for what I
did, I want you to forgive me.
Anonymous.
Received January 2001
It has only been 1 week since my abortion. I was out drinking with my guy
friend who had just got in town. I guess I got a little too drunk and
ended up sleeping with him. I was off the pill because I had a problem
with migraines so my doctor took me off of it to see if that was the
cause. We had unprotected sex that night, and thought nothing of it the
next morning. A few weeks later, I was late on my period so I asked him
if he remembered using a condom. He said no, so I set up an appointment
with my doctor. I got a pregnancy test done by my doctor that showed
positive. I told only my friend who came to the doctors with me, my best
friend, my other girlfriend who had been through pregnancy and abortion
before, and the father. Within 2 weeks of the pregnancy, everybody knew.
The father was very supportive and said that he would support me in any
decision I made. If I wanted to keep it, he wanted me to move to where he
lived and he would do anything it took to support me and the baby. If I
wanted to abort the pregnancy, he would be behind me 100%. After talking
to countless amounts of friends who I trusted to tell me what they
truthfully thought, I decided to proceed with the abortion.
I remember the day perfectly. I was raining out, and my doctor decided to
do something different because I didn't want to deal with picketers. He
sent me to the hospital where I would be completely anonymous. I woke up
at 5:00am after a nightmare I had about the abortion. I got ready and
went to the hospital for 8:00am. When I got there, the doctor was really
nice and comforting. She told me that if someone was meant to have
children, they will, and if they become pregnant to early and decide
to get an abortion, the baby's spirit goes back into the mothers heart
and waits until she is ready. That made me feel somewhat better. I was
brought into a room and put onto an operation table and gave and
anesthetic. The procedure took about half an hour, and they used a tube
to go up through my cervix and sucked it out into a bottle, and I woke up
in absolute tears, calling the fathers name out and screaming I'm sorry
to my recently killed child. The father was in the recovery room, and
waited with me until I regained control of what I was screaming out.
I was an emotional wreck the whole day. The father went to his sisters
house while I rested. I was sleeping on and off for the next few days,
and I had to wear pads for 2 days after the procedure. Its been a week
now. And I am still going through absolute hell. I don't think It will
ever stop. I cry at least 10 times a day. If I see a baby on the street
with it's mom or dad, I cry. If I see a baby on t.v or in a book, I cry.
If I hear about kids or anything to do with pregnancy or abortion, I
break into tears. I've thought about suicide, and I find it hard to live
with the fact that I am in fact, a baby killer. The pain I am feeling I
know will only get worse. And I can only think of myself as one thing. A
Murderer! So if anyone out there is reading this to help them decide if
abortion is a way out for them, please think this through. It's no longer
about you, it's about the life growing inside of you. So many people
including myself have to deal with the pain and guilt and shame of
knowing that they destroyed a life that was growing inside of them.
Please, Please, don't add yourself to that list of people
Anonymous
Received January 2001
I would like to remain anonymous please. Thank u. I had been dating my
boyfriend for almost 1 year when I found out I was pregnant. Matter of
fact, we were 15 days shy of it. I had a feeling I was pregnant but kind of
put it off because I had recently started taking birth control pills. I found
out I was pregnant May 28, 2000. I had went to Wal-Mart and bought a pregnancy
test. Anyway, my boyfriend and I had discussed what we were going to do.
He already has one child and was having a hard time supporting him so his
First answer was for me to have an abortion. At first I agreed with that until
I had my first doctor's appointment. There was some discrepancy about how
far I was due to me recently starting the pill so I had to have a vaginal
ultrasound. So ! ! I saw my little baby on the monitor and I also heard
the I was in love already. I had mentioned to my boyfriend
several times that I didn't care about the financial support as opposed to him
just being a daddy to the baby. At times he was ok with that and then others
he wasn't. I had my abortion July 1, 2000. I was nine weeks pregnant. It's
been almost 6mos and I can't stand to be around babies, people that are
pregnant or even go in department stores if I have to go by where all the
baby stuff is. I did this to please my now x-boyfriend. I am still
pro-choice by any means because it's a woman's body and it's her right to
choose but whatever u do - do it 4 your own reasons not because you're
worried about keeping a man in your life.
Anonymous
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